Happy Birthday, Google. Here’s Your Horoscope.

Google celebrated birthday #9 yesterday. For many people birthdays are a day to look ahead to the next 12 months and wonder what the year will bring. Personally, I think astrology is a bunch of hooey, but I had a feeling a horoscope might help us understand what’s in store for the Big G. So last night I did a little research and found some interesting astrological forecasts for Google’s 10th year.

Horoscope.com: For Those Born on September 27

Happy Birthday! The months ahead could start with you feeling more emotional and open, especially with your nearest and dearest.

Hmmm. Who are Google’s “nearest and dearest”? If you think that means webmasters and SEOs, then A) you think this means more improvements to Google Webmaster Central, and B) you’re dreaming. Personally, I think it means more cool toys for Google’s biggest advertisers.

This will be swiftly followed by periods of irritability, and a tendency to be over-critical.

Did I see that there’s another “Are Paid Links Evil?” session at SES Chicago? Why, yes, I did.

A certain amount of frustration with your love life won’t help, but don’t get too despondent, because by the end of the year you’ll be fighting them off and things will have improved to the point where you’ll be wondering what the fuss was about! You’ll experience the regular ups and downs of work or school, but your innovative nature combined with your ability to take certain risks means that you’ll plod ahead nicely, until after Easter, when it becomes all systems go! Romance will certainly take off yet again, as you’re likely to meet someone who is rather different!

Reading between the tea leaves here … wait … ewwww … no, that can’t be it. “Google” and “love life” should never appear in the same sentence, not even for the most dedicated of us. Let’s try a different site and get a different horoscope. Because astrologers can see the future, but never seem to agree on it.

Astrology.com

This one looks promising because you can customize the horoscope based on your name! Sweet!

The horoscope itself?

Try to see the positive as relentlessly as you can right now — things are actually a lot better than they seem. If you project a positive attitude today, it should be reflected right back at you!

Yeah, it must be hard to see the positive with a relentlessly high stock price ($567 on your birthday). “Stay positive,” Google boys and Google girls — chins up for the next year, everyone!

Happy birthday, G … reflecting it right back at you!